Wednesday, April 25, 2012

V is for Victoria's Secret

Well, I have done it! I have discovered the secret (no pun intended...OK, maybe it was a little intended) to weight loss.
It's not a pill or some crazy fad diet where you have to put cayenne pepper in lemonade, turn around three times, then drink it while standing on your head. Nope, it is something much simpler than that and it is something every woman has (and a lot of men have too, but for different reasons). I am of course talking about the Victoria's Secret catalog.

 Think about it. I don't mean to get all infomercially on you, but people spend millions of dollars on weight loss powders, treadmills and exercise bikes with the belief that if I have it in the house I will be more likely to use it. And what happens? You use it for about a month and then it becomes something you hang your clothes on. Well, not the weight loss powder. That becomes something that you put in the cupboard thinking oh I will use it again soon. Then 10 years later, while digging around in the cupboard for a box of Twinkies, you find it and wonder who the hell bought that? Was it here when I moved in? 
My weight lose solution is much simpler. Get a Victoria's Secret catalog. Find a picture of the model with the body you would most like to have. Stick it on your refrigerator. Every time you go to get something to eat, you will see the picture and it will remind you that she probably isn't going into her refrigerator to eat chips and dip, chocolate cake, a big hunk of cheese, fried chicken, or all of the above (although she may being sniffing it, then putting back and going to fill up on a delicious Tic Tac). This is usually enough to make me turn around and snack on dry cereal or drink herbal tea.

It works for men too. They can see the picture and think about how a girl like that would be more apt to be into a guy with a six-pack as opposed to a man with a keg.

 See? Isn't it brilliant? I do have to warn you about one possible problem that I ran into. I mean literally. I almost broke my nose when I walked into the refrigerator door with my eyes closed. In fact I should probably go to the hospital now. Just let me grab a Twinkie first.



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31 comments:

  1. mooderinoApril 25, 2012 at 5:38 AM

    "Once I lose the weight, where can I get the legs?"

    Judging by that photograph I'd say Photoshop. (do you think it's just a coincidence all the women are the same height?)

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    1. ShayApril 25, 2012 at 3:49 PM

      I agree:) I just want to know if there is anyone that can body shop me in real life! LOL

      Delete
    2. UnknownApril 25, 2012 at 4:32 PM

      I'll body shop you in real life :)

      Delete
    3. ShayApril 25, 2012 at 5:33 PM

      So you keep promising;)lol

      Delete
  2. Adam LloydApril 25, 2012 at 6:12 AM

    I put a picture of Piers Morgan on my fridge. Whenever I go to get food, I punch the fridge, collapse in a heap, and have to eat hospital food for a few days. The perfect weight loss solution.

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    1. ShayApril 25, 2012 at 3:51 PM

      Oooo, that's a good one too. I might try putting a picture of Nancy Grace on mine. I always want to punch her!

      Delete
  3. JuliApril 25, 2012 at 7:56 AM

    Every so often I think (out loud) to my husband "We should really eat better." To which he replies "Can't we just stay fat and happy? Crap... did I just call you fat out loud? I mean, um er..."

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    1. ShayApril 25, 2012 at 5:34 PM

      hahaha See, sometimes I think there should be no men in the world- there would be no crime and a bunch of fat, happy women;)

      Delete
  4. Ninja Kitty ExtraordinaireApril 25, 2012 at 10:22 AM

    HA! I love this! Of course, first I need to confront my single neighbor who has made quite the habit of raiding our mailbox for those sorts of catalogs with the "innocent" excuse that he could SWEAR he thought he saw the mailman putting one of his letters in there... Sure, Pete, sure. Then again, I have rage issues (seemingly like "Addman" above), so that hospital diet may be an excellent Plan B!

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    1. ShayApril 25, 2012 at 5:37 PM

      Wow! He must have great eyesight if he could read the name on the letters from his house.LOL

      I agree with Addman too. That is my back-up plan. But I'm going to put up a picture of Nancy Grace;)

      Delete
    2. Ninja Kitty ExtraordinaireApril 25, 2012 at 6:29 PM

      Yeah, he's definitely a catch ;).... This would be a prime time to rehash the warning label post! ha!

      Nancy Grace... *shivers* I would quite have to agree. And I'll affix her picture to one of those record-yourself greeting cards with her nails-on-a-chalkboard voice to further heckle me out of even setting foot in the kitchen.... Hmmm... on second thought, I may just pitch that idea to Hallmark *grin*

      Delete
    3. ShayApril 25, 2012 at 6:37 PM

      I think you would sell millions. I bet Nancy Grace, herself, would buy them and surround herself with them.I don't think she ever gets tired of hearing herself speak!

      Delete
  5. Rebecka VigusApril 25, 2012 at 10:26 AM

    How wonderful this is. I'm so glad you shared. This is probably the single blog that has held good info and comedy.

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    1. ShayApril 25, 2012 at 5:39 PM

      See, that's my purpose. Not only to make people laugh, but to help educate. haha

      Welcome to my blog, Rebecka:)

      Delete
  6. The BeansApril 25, 2012 at 4:18 PM

    My solution is more drastic. I put up a picture of my old 257 pound self on the refrigerator. Even VS models can't compete with that as a motivational tool. :P

    -Barb the French Bean

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    1. ShayApril 25, 2012 at 5:59 PM

      Hey, I have seen your picture on your blog profile and you are as cute as a button:)

      Delete
  7. nutschellApril 25, 2012 at 4:49 PM

    your post cracked me up! I think it's an effective method:)
    Nutschell
    www.thewritingnut.com

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    1. ShayApril 25, 2012 at 5:39 PM

      Thanks! I'm glad I can make you smile:) That's the goal.

      Delete
  8. Andrew LeonApril 25, 2012 at 5:05 PM

    You do know that there is some evidence that twinkies grant eternal life, right? They don't keep you from aging, but the preservatives keep you from dying.

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    1. ShayApril 25, 2012 at 5:41 PM

      I have heard that. I have also heard that if there was a nuclear disaster, Twinkies would be the only "food" that would survive. Of course, my source was Family Guy, but I think it is pretty reliable;)

      Delete
  9. Akashic Aisle: The Basement ViewApril 25, 2012 at 5:40 PM

    is it just me, or does the girl in orange look like she is totally trying to steal girl in light-blue's thunder? i think it is likely that there was a serious cat-fight after this shoot about who stole who's tic tacs...probably fueled by hunger-rage, low blood sugar, and over-active hearts trying to pump blood all the way down those ridiculous legs and back up to the brain.

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    1. ShayApril 25, 2012 at 5:44 PM

      OMG! You are SO right, Aubree! I think she is trying to butt check her into the other girl. Unfortunately she has no butt, so it didn't work, but you can see the thought went through her head.haha

      Delete
  10. ChuckApril 25, 2012 at 10:01 PM

    You laugh but that imagery works! I hung a picture of a fully tarred-up lung where I would have to look at it daily...it was a full page ad that also showed a healthy pink lung on the other half of the page. That was my daily motivation to quit smoking...and stay quit. I did.

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    1. ShayApril 26, 2012 at 11:13 PM

      Good for you, Chuck. That's awesome. I wish I could get my mom to quit. And yes I do laugh, but I really do have one up. It totally works:)

      Delete
  11. AnonymousApril 26, 2012 at 3:00 AM

    These women are perfect. No cellulite. I am convinced they're aliens, and they really need to go back to whatever planet they came from.

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    1. ShayApril 26, 2012 at 11:14 PM

      I agree! They are perfect. I like to think that their that perfect on the outside because they have these awful personalities and are big meanies!

      Delete
  12. ChizApril 26, 2012 at 12:55 PM

    I actually know someone who keeps a picture of her formerly obese self on the fridge as a reminder.

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    1. ShayApril 26, 2012 at 11:15 PM

      I had someone else say that same thing in a comment above. It works. However I still wish there was a way to photoshop yourself in real life;)

      Delete
  13. Craig EdwardsApril 30, 2012 at 12:56 PM

    That photo on my fridge could work for me too - because I'd avoid the fridge due to those women really not being my cup of tea! I like curves, not broomsticks!

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    1. ShayApril 30, 2012 at 6:06 PM

      WOO-HOO! I think curves are way more sexy. In fact my "A" post was about that:)

      Yay for liking curvey woman- GOOD MAN!!!

      Delete
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