Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Six Ways to Tell He Isn't Into You

Let's face it - we've all had a crush on some guy that we like or are dating but just can't seem to figured out where we stand with him. One minute you think OK, this guy is crazy about me. The next you feel like you have developed the bubonic plague or are wondering if he has been kidnapped and has no way of communicating with the outside world.

Well, I have created a short list of signs that will tell you when to throw in the towel when your man is running hot and cold.

He doesn't text or call you for days. 

He always has his phone on him. It is like an extension of his hand. He looks at it 20 times an hour, sleeps with it next to his pillow, yet he still hasn't responded to a text you sent 3 days ago. I don't care how busy someone is, if they like you they will find make the time to keep in touch with you even if it is just to tell you they are in meetings all day but want you to know they are thinking of you. There are 2 reasons for his lack of communication: He either got so excited that you texted him that he fainted or he just isn't into you.

He doesn't know or care about your birthday.

If a guy likes a girl, he is happy that she was born and wants to recognize it in some way, especially if you are just starting to date. He will look for a reason to show you he cares. So unless you are a gold digging bitch that told him you expect nothing but 4 star restaurants, getaways to exotic locations or diamonds from Tiffany’s, the fact that he doesn't acknowledge your existence on your special day means he doesn't consider you special to him. Or he is just so absorbed in his own world that he doesn't take time to realize other people do exist in which case, he is too selfish to be in a relationship anyway.

 He has a total double standard.

He seems to want you around when he has something upsetting him like an illness or death, but when you have something important going on he suddenly becomes Waldo. You can’t seem to find him anywhere.
Again, he only cares about himself and doesn't really care what is going on in your life. Stop making yourself so readily available and seeing his turning to you in his time of need as a sign he is into you. The reason he is running to you is because he knows you’re dependable. He is not. Save your energy for someone that understands how to give, not just take.

It’s all about the sex.

Don’t get me wrong. I have no problem with you having a friend with benefits or a booty call guy. To me that is a lot safer than picking up some stranger off the street to have sex with while you are waiting to meet the right guy. The problem comes when you have feelings for this person so you drop everything – dates with prospective beaus, plans with girlfriends, etc, just to go spend time with this guy hoping that this will be the time he realizes his love for you.

Everything is done on his terms. 

He doesn't come to see you. He may expect you to go to a wedding or game with him, but won’t go out with your friends, visit you, or be bothered with any of your interests. Sex is also pretty much on his terms. He does the calling, and while he won't commit to you, he always seems to want to get busy whenever you have a date. That doesn't mean he wants means he wants to keep you under his uhhhhh, thumb, and doesn't want anyone else to have you. Until he finds someone he really wants to be with, he wants you around as his safety net.

He keeps you his little secret.

You haven’t met his friends. He doesn’t really take you out in public. He never comments on your Facebook page…I mean ever. His page is littered with females, but you’re not one of them. Take the hint. He is either embarrassed and doesn’t want people to know you are involved or he wants to keep his options open. That said, keep your options open. Look, I’m not saying the guy has to comment on every Facebook post you make. Some people are private people and that is perfectly fine. But if he isn't playing with you a little on social media, makes a stink if you comment or post on his page, or immediately responds making sure everyone knows your “just friends” plus treats you like you are in the Witness Protection Program it’s time to move on. When you are important to someone, they want to introduce you to the other important people in their lives to see what you think of them, what they think of you, and if you mesh well. If he isn’t bringing you around those people or acknowledging your existence in his life, there is a reason for it. Find someone that is proud to be with you and wants to tell the world you are his girl (and no I don’t mean that in the creepy he owns you sense).

He constantly flirts with other girls or keeps you away from them.

Whether it's in public or on Facebook, if he is constantly making comments about how hot other girls are or tries to direct you away from the gorgeous barista at the local coffee house then chances are, he isn't serious about you. Now, I'm not saying that he can't have friends of the opposite sex, but if he doesn't want you interacting with them, there is probably a reason and that reason is probably that he is dating (or wants to be) one of them.

The same goes for flirting. There is a difference between your guy telling a woman, " Oh, that dress looks nice on you" and "Wow you look hot! Damn girl! I know what I'm going to be dreaming about tonight." If your guy doesn't care if you see him outright flirting or if he doesn't have enough sense to know the difference between being respectful and disrespectful, then cut him loose. Chances are, even if you were ever to get serious, he would still cross the line of inappropriateness and then call you psycho for calling him on it.

Remember if a guy likes you he will make an effort to keep in contact with you, remember things that are important, look for ways to show you he cares, and try to find ways to integrate you into his life. If he is not doing these things and you are still catering to his every whim and dropping everything for him, he isn't going to see it as sweet and see you as potential girlfriend material. He is going to see you as a doormat.

***** ***Don't forget to follow me on here and on Facebook. And be sure to check out my book Why Am I Still Single? available on and Barnes and **************************

1 comment:

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