Seriously - WTH?

Calling out the stupid...and boy is there a lot to call out.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

P is for Psycotic

I believe we have known each other long enough that I can tell you this story without having you judge me too harshly. I would first like to say that I am probably one of the sanest people you will ever meet and, if you had ever met my family, you know what an accomplishment that is because they are almost all nuts. ("Nuts" being the medical term because I don't know how to spell bwbwbwbwbw -yes I just put my finger to my lips and made the crazy sound).

Anyway, I rarely ever argue. I'm more of the calm cool headed one that sits down, talks and tries to resolve things. That's what makes what I'm about to tell you so out of character.

See, it started with me having a very rough day. The doctors had screwed up my medicine causing my heart to race and giving me adrenaline shakes. I just wanted to sit down, have a cup of tea and relax. As I got cozy, I reached for my cup and found my now-ex-husband sucking up my tea with the Shop-Vac. He thought it was funny; I did not. Still I didn't say anything.

Next my friend called me to inform me that when she was driving my sister-in-law (we'll call her She-devil) home, as She-devil got out of the car, my dog's bone...the one she had just stolen from my house...had fallen out of her pocket, unbeknownst to her. Still, I said nothing.

The next day, we were having a garage sale that was advertised as being from 8am-2pm, so imagine my surprise when "professional garage sale hunters" started pounding on my door at 6am to see if they could see the items I had for sale.Still I kept my mouth shut.

I even kept my mouth shut when my ex, claiming he didn't know I used it every day, put my Gazelle glider (yes I bought one) outside and sold it for $20. I only had it for five months.

I left my ex to handle the garage sale and went to get lunch to bring back home. That is when I noticed some assholes had put their garage sale signs 1 inch in front of all mine so that no one could read my signs. Still, I didn't say anything, I just simply pulled my signs and put them 1 inch in front of their's. Maybe it was childish, but they started it and I was going to finish it. Call me whatever names you like, just remember I'm rubber and you're glue; whatever you say bounces off me and sticks on you!

At the end of the day after the sale was over, I went to collect my signs. I noticed this one schmanzy sign that my neighbor had loaned to us was missing. This is when I lost my mind.

I drove to the other sale, got buzzed into their neighborhood and there it was. My sign with the big old arrow, but with my address crossed off and their address put in, which, fortunately for me, made them easy to find. I pulled up to their house and while the lady and her husband were talking to a driveway full of customers, I yelled out my window, "Is this your garage sale?"

"Yes," she answered smiling.


"I know you stole my sign."

"What? No I didn't. That's my sign."

"Really? You are going to bold face lie to me? You crossed out my address," I said holding up and shaking the sign.

Silence.

"Well I just want to tell you that I hope you made a lot of money on your garage sale because you are going to need it for bail because I am going to the police right now to have them arrest your thieving ass!"

Like I said, I lost my mind. I did go to the police dept, but it was just a small local one that was closed on the weekend so I didn't report her.

That took place in Florida. Now you may think that is the end of my sign drama. Sadly, it was not. Six years later, I moved to Georgia. I had a sign in front of my house with one of those "Take One" things you can put fliers in. It got stolen. It seems there is some sort of sign stealing ring. They take them, then sell them off for parts.This drudged up my previous sign ordeal. So when I was driving and saw that someone had stolen one of my business signs and wrote their garage sale information on it, I did the only thing I could. I crossed out the garage sale info, put a piece of paper over it that read:

FREE STUFF!
"Free Stuff. Moving. Everything Must Go"  I left their address on there. Then, not quite satisfied I wrote: "*And Don't Forget to Ask Us About Our Free Massages.*"

To this day, I am not sure why these events made me so mad. Apparently I have strong feelings for my signs.

Told ya, completely lost my mind.   


**Remember if you like this post click share at the top of the screen. Everyone can use a good laugh;) **



17 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thank you, honey! Tomorrow's is the q-tip one...w/video.

      Need to talk soon...I will email you later.

      Delete
  2. It's fine, you were right to behave in that way. These sign stealers must learn that it's not OK.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you and yes, they MUST be stopped. I think we need to start neighborhood sign watches. Hahaha

      Delete
  3. If it's wrong being totally giddy about your sign-retribution-antics then I don't wanna be right! I'm also somewhat dazzled by the testicular fortitude it clearly takes to cross out someone's address then feign shock at deserved accusation. I'm simply doing too much wrong. By the by, what the hell is up with the stolen dog bone? WHO DOES THAT???? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right? That was just the tip of the iceberg with her. Thanks for agreeing with my retribution. LOL My ex (who by the way had a temper) was unable to understand why I got so upset. I think he was confused because it was so out of character for me. haha I'm one of those people that will my keep cool if you burn the house down and wreck the car on purpose, etc, but then one day that same person will not change the toilet paper roll and I'm like, 'That's it's I'm done, you inconsiderate bastard!" haha

      Delete
  4. I think that's awesome.
    How much is a Gazelle glider? I've never heard of that.
    And why was your ex there to vacuum your tea?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks!

      Gazelle Glider was some infomercial thing (1 and only thing I ever bought from one of those. It's hard to explain. It cost $150 or $175.

      And, he wasn't my ex... yet.LOL

      Delete
  5. Best retaliation ever! Did you go and demand your free massage? Vacuuming tea? Unacceptable!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I'm glad you guys are on board with me. Thought you guys may go running.LOL I did NOT get my free massage. I assumed they would steal my close if I did.

      And thank you for feeling my pain on the tea thing. I love tea. You don't mess with me and my tea...or my signs apparently:)

      Delete
  6. Yeah, I'm fairly levelheaded myself, but it's just the random things that set me ablaze. I was at Target and walked out to the parking lot to find that these kids had parked next to me. Well, it just so happened that one of the kids couldn't reach to the top of the van to put his coffee down so he put it on my car. While walking by, I smashed the coffee all over the kid's van and didn't say a word. Just got in my car and left (they were like 16 so I wasn't that courageous).

    But, I think your revenge plot was the best I'd ever heard of. Ridiculously clever. I hope they got their house stripped of everything. God, I'm sick. Great post, though!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The funny thing is, those kids probably STILL talk about that, only it's probably been exaggerated to:Remember that time you set your coffee on that guy's car and he came over and went psycho on us,smashed the coffee, started screaming, ripped off like he was some pro wrestler, then he took out a knife, sliced your tires and the grabbed a crowbar and beat the shit out of your van before he drove off and ran over that poor old lady! hahaha

      Delete
  7. I had a big long reply but the internet is being stupid over here. Suffice it to say, I feel your sign pain.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad your's was too. I tried leaving several comments last night and they kept disappearing. Must have been blogspot.

      Thinking about starting a support group for people that have been traumatized by sign drama. Are you in? haha

      Delete
  8. I am glad you're a calm and reasonable person most of the time, but I must say, you are amazing when you're angry. So clever!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha Thanks. Yeah, I like I said, I don't scream or go nuts, and it usually takes a lot to upset me. But once I'm crossed, it's on!

      Delete
  9. Is there a name for the condition of being unnaturally attached to signs? Are we going to see you on some Discovery Channel program about, "Women who love signs. No really!"? Funny stuff par usual

    ReplyDelete