Seriously - WTH?

Calling out the stupid...and boy is there a lot to call out.

Monday, June 5, 2017

How Social Media is Killing Dating

Remember the good old days of dating? Boy met girl.There was a spark. He wanted to ask her out but he was too nervous. So he clumsily tried to make up reasons to go to where she worked or asked friends to stage events so that he could see her. Finally, after a few days or weeks, after much anticipation, he screws up enough courage to ask her out. He asks on a Tuesday hoping that she will be free on Saturday. She says, "Yes."

He pulls up to her house, gets out of the car and knocks on her door. She hears his knock, takes a deep breath to calm the butterflies in her stomach and greets him. He smiles. The butterflies reappear. Neither one can believe they are finally going out. He opens the door for her and she gives him an appreciative grin thinking Oooo, he is a gentleman. They go on a date and get so absorbed in conversation that they completely lose track of time and before they know it, the restaurant is closing and they realize they have been talking for 4 hours. He takes her home, walks her to the door, and asks if he can see her again, all the while wondering whether or not he should kiss her. She says, "yes." He decides he doesn't want to be too forward, so he goes for a hug and is pleasantly surprised when she gives him a quick kiss on the side of his mouth. They say good-bye and she goes inside secretly hoping he'll call right away, just because he wanted to hear her voice one more time and to say goodnight. The next day he can't stop thinking about her. What is she doing? Did she have as much fun as him? Is it too soon to call again? What if he doesn't call and she gets asked out by someone else? He should call. He isn't going to be able to get anything done until he does. Besides, he can't wait to look into those beautiful eyes of her's again and hear the way she laughs at his jokes.

So he calls... but, she, of course, is at work, so he leaves her a message telling her what a great time he had and was wondering if she had plans for Friday night. Then he waits... anxiously. Every time the phone rings and it isn't her, he is disappointed. She gets home and a rush of excitement comes over her as she sees the message light blinking on the answering machine. She says a quick prayer that the message is from him and not someone trying to sell insurance or something. To her delight, it is him. He wants to see her again. With the butterflies alive and well in her stomach again, she picks up the phone and calls him back. This time he isn't disappointed when he answers the phone. He feels the adrenaline rush through his body as he hears her voice.

The two go on a few dates and after a conversation, they decide to only see each other. It isn't long before they are arranging for their friends and relatives to meet their new significant other.

Ahhh, yes... those were simpler times.

Now it goes something like this:

Boy meets girl. He thinks to himself, Wow, she is smokin'. He stares awkwardly at his phone, texting other people or playing games trying to figure out something cool to say. Girl updates Facebook status or texts friends: "Hot Guy." They talk for a few minutes in between texts. She has to leave. He asks if he can get her number. She says, "Sure" or tells him to "Facebook" her. He thinks, Whoa... way too soon for that. He isn't ready to be Facebook friends with her. That's a commitment. God is she looking for a commitment already? They just met!

Over the next day and a half he finds himself checking out her Facebook page and texting any mutual friends they may have to see if she is "cool" or "crazy". After looking over her pictures, he decides she is cute and her girlfriends don't look too psycho or slutty, plus she doesn't appear to have too much drama going on, at least according to her Facebook wall. I mean, she is kinda over the top with her cats, but maybe that just means she is affectionate. He is a little nervous but decides to text her. It goes something like this:

"Hey you... It's (insert name here - which she already knows who it is because she had to text him her number 2 days ago.)

"Oh, hey! I was hoping to hear from you :)"

5 minutes goes by before he answers her text. OMG, should she not have said that? Does she sound too desperate? Damn it! These text buttons should have a recall button."

"Sorry, I got a phone call."
(A wave of relief comes over her - Phewwwwww!)

"That's cool."

"So I was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime?"

"Sure. That sounds good. When were you thinking?"

" IDK, let me see what's going on this weekend and I'll text you back."
"Sounds good :)"

She gets off the phone and texts her friends: "He called!"

Immediately, Facebook stalking commences, checking out his profile, "ooooo-ing" and "awing" over family photos, snapshots with furry friends, and scoping any girl he may be in a picture with and then stalking her Facebook page to try to determine the complexity of the relationship. Is she a sister? A friend? An ex? If she is an ex why is her picture still up? They spend the next few days scoping his profile in between figuring out what she is going to wear on a date she doesn't have confirmation on yet.

It is now Thursday. She still hasn't heard from him. She is getting frustrated. Did he lose interest or does he expect her to keep the whole weekend free hoping he will call? She gets on Facebook and group chats her friends. They decide she should send him a casual text asking if he plays Words With Friends (WWF) as a way of initiating conversation but without looking too desperate.

He receives the message. He smiles. He is looking forward to seeing her. He has checked out her profile a few times. He responds, "Sometimes."

She suggests they play and tells him she will send him a request. He says, "Cool. How is your week going?" They exchange pleasantries. She tells him she tried to send him a WWF request but can't because they aren't Facebook friends. Damn, there she goes pushing to be Facebook friends again. He isn't ready for that yet. I mean they just met.

Texting has dwindled and he still didn't mention the date. Hmmmmmmm... She tells her girlfriends and they spend the next 24 hours analyzing the text line by line trying to figure out what his deal is.

It is now 5pm on Friday. Thank GOD he is finally off work. The new Worlds of Warcraft came out and between playing that online with his friends and work, he has hardly had time to do anything. He even went to text her a few times, but by the time he realized what time it was, it was too late. Anyway, it will be good to hang out with (insert her name here). He has been texting his friends about her all week. He is a little nervous about being with her one on one for the first time. His friends suggest they all go to a movie, then if it is going well, the two of them can go off on their own.

It is now 7pm. Her phone goes off, "Hey beautiful:) Did you have a good day? Some friends and I are going to see (insert movie here). Do you want to come? Then maybe we can get something to eat after."

She is mad. He waited until 7pm on a Friday to ask her out. Whatever! She told her friends that if he waited until the weekend to ask her out she wouldn't go. And now he wants to take her out on a group date? Against her better judgment, she decides to go. Truth is, she didn't make plans because she was hoping he would still want to do something. She doesn't want to sit home on a Friday night. And he did just call her beautiful. OK, WTH, she'll give it a shot.

They decide he will pick her up. He arrives at her house and texts simply, "Here:)" She comes out and they go on a date. First, they see a movie. The conversation in the car was good and the pre-movie talk was easy and they laughed. At the end of the movie he texts his friend: I'm cool. She's cool. Want to be alone with her. Catch up with you guys later. His friend texts him back teasing him about wanting to get laid. He smiles to himself, texts something back and then puts his phone in his pocket.

She sees him on his phone. She takes this opportunity to text her friends: I think it's going good. He is so cute and funny! Little worried because he is texting someone and just got a little grin. Hope it's not another girl.

He sees she is on her phone. Is she texting someone? Who? Another guy? God, please don't let her be updating her Facebook status about our date or worse... changing her Facebook relationship status.

They go get a bite to eat and have a great time. At the end of the night, he drives her home. They make idle chit-chat while he tries to work up his nerve to kiss her. Finally, he does and tells her he'll talk to her tomorrow... and by talk, he of course, means text.

He goes home and decides to accept her friend request. He likes that she comments on his statuses. He hopes she isn't just doing that to mark her territory. He can't stand that. And who are these guys that comment on her posts? They seem kind of flirty. Are they friends? Lovers? Is she a slut? Is he reading too much into it? He likes her. He checks out her page every day and Facebook flirts with her a little just to let other guys know he is in the picture.

They go out a few times and on one of their dates they take a picture with her phone which she promptly updates to Facebook. His friend immediately "Likes" the picture before she even has a chance to tag him. Wait... why is she friends with his friend? Did she friend request him or did he friend request her?

The next day, she tags him in the picture and a pretty blond comments: "Ooooo, new girlfriend? Does that mean you are off the market? ;)"

OK, who is this bitch and why does she care if he is off the market? And what's with the winky face? Whore!

Still, she wonders how he will respond. They have been out 7 times now. Are they a couple? She isn't seeing anyone else? Is he? Throughout the day she checks her account pretending that she is just bored or seeing what her friends are up to and NOT because she wants to see if he has answered yet.

He logs in and sees the comment made by his cousin asking if they are a couple. UGH! She has such a big mouth. If he says yes, she will turn around and friend request her and then she will tell the whole family. He isn't ready for that. He wants to talk to her about being exclusive and not let her know through a Facebook comment. He responds: We're just talking.

She gets a Facebook alert. He commented on the picture. She reads his response. "We're just talking." WTH?!? They are just talking? What an asshole! I guess I like him more than he likes me. That's it I'm done. if it's not going anywhere then I'm not wasting my time.

They go out and have a huge fight about winky faces, Facebook stalking, her need to comment on every one of his posts and his failure to comment on hardly any of her's. He doesn't understand why she accepted his friend's friend request. Does she like him? He also feels smothered by her Words With Friends games and "nudges," FB comments, and texts. She feels ignored when he stops texting in what seems to be the middle of a conversation and doesn't understand why he feels smothered if he agreed to play the game and be friends. Does he want her to not comment? Is he embarrassed of her? Or doesn't he want other girls to know they are dating?

Finally, he decides she is too needy and possessive and she thinks he is too non-committal. They decide to stop seeing each other. They unfriend each other but still Facebook stalk each other from time to time.

And people wonder why I don't date.

*** Don't forget to check out my book,  Why Am I Still Single? A Tough Love Guide For Single Women? available on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com ***


Why Am I Still Single? Kindle edition
Why Am I Still Single? Hardcover edition


And remember if you like it, share it!

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Random Thoughts Women Have Before Sex (Warning Mature Readers Only!)

Today as I was screwing around online I saw an article that was something like 11 Things Men Think about When They See a Women Naked. Now, I'm not a guy, but I have to think that if I was and there was a naked woman in front of me the most prevalent thing running through my mind would be, Cool, a naked chick that wants to have sex with me. Sure a guy may think to suck in his gut, stick out his chest, and flex a little but mainly he is thinking, Haha... boobs... and I get to touch them.

See, I don't believe women spend as much time pondering what men think when they see us naked as these articles suggest. No, when we get (or are about to get) horizontal with a man I believe we spend way more time in our own heads. So I have put together some random thoughts that tend to run through our minds and get in the way when we are having (or are about to have) sex.

(*Note: These are in no particular order and can vary depending on the stage of the relationship.)

Thought #1: "I am way too fat to have sex today." 
Yes men, it may sound crazy to you, but even though we may look like we weigh the same to you from day to day, we really do have fat days and skinny days. Maybe it's water retention from hormones or maybe it's a guilty conscience from the one bite of cake that turned into us finishing off half of the ass end of our niece's My Little Pony left over birthday cake, but fat/skinny days are not just in our head. The good news is we still have sex on our fat days, but we're more likely to feel like sex goddesses and curl your toes on our skinny days;)

Thought #2: My God I hope he doesn't have anything freaky that he forgot to disclose and I have to act like I've seen it before or it's perfectly normal. (Usually reserved for the 1st sexual experience...or for some people, the first sober sexual experience or sexual experience with the lights on);

Thought #3: What is he doing? How can I make him stop doing that without spending the next 6 months reassuring him that he isn't a bad lover I just didn't like that.

Thought #4: Please don't let him be into anything really freaky...(i.e. don't let me walk in and find him wearing my lingerie and heels, learn he is into farm animals [doing or acting like one] or call me "Mommy." Ewwwwww - btw, that was Ewwwww as in gross, not the sheep.

Thought # 5: Man, are those cobwebs on the ceiling? I just dusted!"

Thought #6:  Did you see his ex? There is no WAY I am getting naked knowing he dated a girl that looked like that. Yes, she may be completely psychotic and I may be smarter and have a better personality, but you don't f#%k personality! (New relationship pre-sex)

Thought #7: "Seriously? What's with the double standard? I need a freakin' machete' down here!"

Thought #8: Is he close? I hope he is close. I'm chaffing here!

Thought #9: Does he know he is making that face? I wonder if he knows he is making that face?

Thought #10: He wants to have sex now? Vampire Diaries is on in 5 minutes. ( Vampire Diaries can be swapped with any of the following: Dancing with the Stars, American Idol, The Voice, etc)

Thought #11: Is it rude if I tap his head to get his attention?

Thought #12: Why do all men do that dance? (Ladies you know the one-and men so do you. Your man stands naked with his hands on his head, legs apart, and thrusts his hips back and forth making his "wing man" fly back and forth wildly.)

Thought #13: So I guess we're done with foreplay?

Thought #14: Really? He got completely naked but couldn't take the extra 2 seconds to take off the black socks? I wonder if I can take them off with my toes?

(For those with kids)
Thought #15: Did I lock the door? Did he lock the door? The kids are going to walk in? Did he lock the door? Did I lock the door? I know I didn't lock the door? I bet he didn't lock the door. I bet the door's not locked...


Don't forget to check out my book: Why Am I Still Single? A Tough Love Guide For Single Women Available on Amazon.com and Barnes&Noble.com

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Am-Still-Single-Tough/dp/0985590610/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1348718953&sr=8-1&keywords=why+am+i+still+single+shay+stone

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Wilford Brimley is Pissed

Wilford Brimley is pissed.

Why you ask? Because you have been slacking.

"But Shay", you say, "I have been working all day. I come home, take care of my family and then do my A-Z challenge like a good little blogger."

Well, let me ask you this: When was the last time you checked your blood sugar?

See, that's what I thought!

Seriously, can someone tell me why he is so pissed off? I will be sitting in my living room, watching TV, not bothering anyone, then BAM! there he is on my screen, with his red, bulldog like face and his overgrown, furry caterpiller mustache all up in my business, like a total hard ass telling me, "You check your blood sugar and you check it often! There's no reason not to."

Excuse me Mr. Brimley, but I do have a valid reason not to: I don't have diabetes. So, why are you going all postal and yelling at me?

Do you get paid on every diabetes or as you say, "dibeetus", kit you sell? Are you pissed because you have to prick your fingers and think everyone should suffer and feel your pain?

All I know is I don't come into your living room and make you suffer the same things I have to go through. Have I ever gotten pissy with you and demanded, "You get a pap smear and you get it often!" I didn't think so!

I don't know why you are so angry. Maybe you are mad that you can't eat things with sugary goodness or maybe you are upset because Our House got cancelled.

All I know is you better back off, Brim or I will start spiking your food with pixie stix. So, Mr. Brimley, you check your blood sugar and you check it often and leave me in piece to eat my Reese's peanut butter cups! You don't scare me!

Well maybe a little... seriously, what is with that mustache?