Seriously - WTH?

Calling out the stupid...and boy is there a lot to call out.

Friday, December 13, 2013

The Naughty List

I have recently seen funny pictures on the internet of dogs confessing their bad behavior. With Christmas being so close, I decide to give my own dogs and cats (past and present) a chance to make thinks right so that they can get off Santa's Naughty List and back on the Nice List.





Now they may look sweet and innocent, but they all have multiple offenses. So I now give you...The Naughty List:





NAUGHTY LIST #1:


NAME: ANAKIN
AGE: 2
BREED: HUSKY
ALIAS: MONKEY FACE, MONKEY, FACE, MONK
CRIMES: BREAKING AND ENTERING, ASSAULT WITH A COLD NOSE, FIGHTING, THEFT OF PROPERTY

BREAKING AND ENTERING
Broke into the cat's house

DEFENSE: "Mom said I wouldn't fit. Clearly she was wrong."


ASSAULT 
Fighting with...

and trying to eat the kitty

THEFT: WELL KNOWN SOCK THIEF
(This is what happens to the other sock that goes missing from the dryer)

ASSAULT WITH A COLD NOSE
(MUST sneak up from behind and stick his nose up your butt when you are wearing only a robe.
Has also been known to get right up in your face and sneeze)


NAUGHTY LIST #2:

APOLLO

AGE: 10 
BREED: GREYHOUND
ALIAS: BIG DOG, ZOOG, ZOOGY
CRIMES: THEFT, RELEASE OF CHEMICAL WARFARE, TRESPASSING







THEFT
(Stole pizza off counter piece by piece and let mom and her friend think each other did it)


CHEMICAL WARFARE
(Secretly farts and then leaves the room leaving everyone else gasping for air)



TRESPASSING
(Broke into the bull pasture at the old house and chased them until they had enough and chased him)



NAUGHTY LIST #3

NAME: NEMO
AGE: 10
BREED: AMERICAN ESKIMO (SPITZ)
CRIMES: DRUG ABUSE AND DRUG PUSHING, MISUSE OF PROPERTY







DRUG ABUSE/ DEALING
(Snorting fire ants and trying to get doggy brother and sisters to do it too)

MISUSE OF PROPERTY
(Likes to pretend the front yard is  a spa and takes mud baths regularly)

NAUGHTY LIST #4


NAME: AXEL FOLEY
AGE: 2
BREED: LONG-HAIRED CHIHUAHUA
CRIMES: TRESPASSING, KNOWN PERVERT, ASSAULT
 TRESPASSING
(Hang out on the dining room table when Mom isn't home)


PERVERT
(Likes to hump Anakin's face...

and his Santa toy until he has an asthma attack)

(Also likes to touch, lay on, and stick his head down the shirt of women)

ASSAULT
(Likes to bonsai off the steps onto Anakin's head and fight)

NAUGHTY LIST #5

NAME: KUNIK JEFFREY
AGE: 9
BREED: AMERICAN ESKIMO (SPITZ)
ALIAS: SNEAKER DOG, NEAKERS, JEFF
CRIMES: THEFT, MURDER

THEFT
(Anakin's sock thief partner)


MURDER
(Killed Santa)


 NAUGHTY LIST #6: 
MINOR OFFENDERS




NAME: P.O.W KITTY (PIECE OF WORK)
AGE: 4
BREED- UNKNOWN
ALIAS: BURGER 
CRIME: FRAUD AND THEFT - 
EATS TINSEL AND GARLAND OFF CHRISTMAS TREE AND THEN POOPS IT OUT.
FRAUD
(Pretends to admire daisies, but really eats them)


 P.O.W. was also accused of fighting with Anakin, but that was later ruled as self-defense.



NAUGHTY LIST #7
(MINOR OFFENDER)



NAME: SAWYER
AGE: ALMOST 2
BREED: UNKNOWN
ALIAS: SOYS, BABY KITTY
CRIMES: ATTEMPTED ASSAULT, TRESPASSING










ATTEMPTED ASSAULT
(Tried to walk across the water while Mom was taking a bath)


...thankfully Anakin jumped in to save him... Mom was not happy with us.

TRESPASSING

(Trespassed on dining room table with Axel)



Sawyer is also the prime suspect in the destruction of Christmas ornaments and is believed to be the Kingpin of a hair tie theft ring.
NAUGHTY LIST #8:



NAME: COLBY JACKSON
AGE: 10
ALIAS: COLBS
CRIME: MIND-NUMBINGLY STUPID. SERIOUSLY...NOT SURE WHICH ONE IN THE PICTURE IS SMARTER.









We also are looking for any leads on an unsolved crime: 

Merry Christmas, everyone! May you have been good enough to make Santa's Nice List, but bad enough to just miss being on the Naughty List ;)

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