Seriously - WTH?

Calling out the stupid...and boy is there a lot to call out.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Blogging from A-Z Challenge

Alright all of you bloggers out there. While some of you have been staying on your toes and being good little bloggers, many of you have been slacking since the holidays. Well, it's time to get off your butts and do some actual writing. The time for being lackadaisical and phoning it in is over. I present to you the A-Z Blogging Challenge.

Beginning Sunday, April 1st Blogging from A-Z is challenging all writers and bloggers alike to write a blog for each letter of the alphabet. Don't panic! You can do this. Start getting your ideas together now. Personally, I have a list of all of the letters and every time I have an idea for one, I write it down. Then whenever you have time, you can start writing blogs, keep them in a file and post them on the correct day in April. A-Z has even been nice enough to give you Sundays off with the exception of the 1st Sunday of the month which kicks off the challenge.

So if you have been feeling uninspired or just haven't been able to conjure up something worth writing about because of restricted blood flow to your head as a result of your New Year's diet resolution, here's your chance to dust off the old brain and get back into the swing of things. No more excuses! Going on vacation? Having a baby? Busy with family? No worries. You can set it up so that your blogs post automatically on the correct days.

Go to http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/ and sign up now. Doing this challenge will not only help you learn to meet a deadline, but will also give you the exposure you have been hoping for since you started blogging.

And don't forget to follow my blog Seriously, WTH? at http://shannan-afterwife.blogspot.com/

Good luck and have fun!

Friday, January 20, 2012

What would you do if you knew you wouldn’t get caught?


A few days ago, I was watching the news and heard a story about a North Carolina man in his late fifties that robbed a bank. He woke up, got dressed, called a taxi, then walked into a random bank and handed the teller a note demanding the staggering amount of $1.

Why would a 59 year old man bother to rob a bank and for such a ridiculous amount of money?

Logic.

James Richard Verone - Bank robber
James Richard Verone was in financial ruin. He had worked his whole life and then, like so many Americans, found himself jobless. Desperate for work but unable to find anything substantial, he was forced to take a job as a convenience store clerk. Soon the heavy lifting and daily routine proved too much for his deteriorating body to handle and he reluctantly had to quit. He lived off of his savings for a while, but with no other source of income coming in, quickly exhausted his funds. That is about the time he noticed a protrusion in his chest.


He tried to apply for state aid, but was only approved for food stamps. Refusing to be a burden on his siblings and not wanting to accept money from a charity, he came up with another option: rob a bank.

His intention wasn’t to hurt anyone. In fact, after the teller gave him the dollar, Verone said told her he would "... sit over here and wait for police.” He was hoping to get arrested which would provide him with food, a place to stay and, the most important thing, free health care.

Because the amount he stole was only $1, Verone avoided a long prison sentence. Instead he would most likely be incarcerated for 5 years. He would receive treatment for whatever ailments he suffered from and be released in decent health just in time to start receiving his social security.

Of course, the story shows the flaws in our healthcare system and is somewhat sad, but I couldn’t help admiring the man for coming up with such a creative solution to his dilemma. My first thought, ok, maybe not my first thought, but one of my thoughts was how would I have done it differently? I came up with the conclusion that I would have asked for a LOT more than $1.

I understand his logic, but here is mine: If you aren’t afraid of getting caught, why not ask for an insane amount of money? I would have the bank give me as much as I could carry, backing up my own semi-truck if necessary. What do you have to lose? If you get caught, you get sent to jail where you receive free health care, a warm bed and 3 square meals, although Verone chose to only eat 2 because eating dinner would mean he would briefly be put in general population.

On the other hand, if you got away with it, you have all this money to get your health back on track, move wherever you want and never have to worry about money problems ever again.

This got me thinking about what else I would do if I knew I wouldn’t get caught. I knew for certain that I would never murder anyone or pay someone to do so. Although I don’t think I would have a problem hiring someone to beat the ever loving shit out of the child molesters and rapists of the world. I may also consider hiring a Dexter or some type of similar vigilante to hunt down serial killers.  

However, none of those would be my first choice. No, top on my list, hands down, would be to rob a bank for the reasons previously listed. A bank insures your account for up to $100,000, so most citizens would get their money back. Anyone that had more than $100,000 should be smart enough to know they had to divide their fortune among banks.

Claude Monet's Water Lillies
My second crime of choice would be to steal some fabulous art out of a museum. Not because I would want all of this incredible art hanging around my house, but because of the undisputable coolness of the crime. Think the Thomas Crown Affair: the intricate planning, the execution, the brilliance it would take to pull it off. I would steal it, hang it on my wall, drink a glass of Cabernet while I admired it, and then find a way to return it without anyone figuring out how I did it. Now if it was someone’s personal art collection, I probably wouldn’t return it. I would send it to a hospital to inspire children or some physically or mentally ill patients to paint, relax and maybe discover a secret talent.

Next, I would steal from those that steal from others. I would be like a modern day female Robin Hood (luckily, Robin is androgynous enough that I wouldn’t have to change the name). I would steal the funds from people like Bernie Madeoff* and then give it to the poor and struggling middle class and in a fun way too. I would give a waitress a $1M tip or a volunteer charity worker a house or a kick-ass car.  I wouldn’t take credit for the gifts, just be close enough by to see their expression when they received the stuff. I would also give some to charities, but in a smarter way. The more results they produced, the more money they would receive to do more research.

The other things I would do are relatively mild and would be just for the hell of it. I would steal a crazy expensive car like a Lotus, Ferrari or the Bat Mobile just because - although I probably wouldn’t get very far because I can’t drive a stick. I would also break into people’s houses and rearrange their furniture…just to screw with them.

I mean, seriously, WTH?

What would you do if you knew you couldn’t get caught? 

*(OK and on a personal note, whom invests with a guy whose last name is Madeoff?)

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Thank God he didn't name the album "The Orange Print"

Beyonce' and Jay-Z
worldpress
This week Music Royalty welcomed a new princess into the Kingdom. January 7th, 2012, Beyonce' Knowles (or is it Beyonce'-Z?) gave birth to her own little destiny's child. It seems that she and baby daddy, Jay-Z were so excited about their new addition that they completely lost their minds and when asked what their beautiful new daughter's name was, they gushed, "Blue Ivy."

While I am certain that upon hearing the name, the first inner reaction from everyone was WTH?!?, the coattail riding, moochers, suck-ups and assistants that are the music industry, fearing banishment from the Kingdom, refrained from the obvious and instead responded with a collective, "Awwwwwww."

Blue from "Blue's Clues"
Nickelodeon
That's right. They named their child, Blue. Blue like the lovable Nickelodeon dog with the creepy owner. Blue like the moon. Blue like the international color of depression. Blue like Paul Bunyan's ox. Or was that Babe, the big blue ox?

According to reputable websites, and by reputable I mean gossip websites such as OMG, TVNZ and other hard hitting, trustworthy news sites, the couple apparently came up with the name as a tribute to Jay-Z's album "The Blue Print." They were also drawn to the fact that Blue has four letters, and the number 4 is significant to the couple with several birthdays and an anniversary occurring on the 4th day of different months. It is believed that is where the middle name originated from as well. Ivy is allegedly a play on the Roman numeral IV. Although, some sites claim Ivy refers to the strong, hearty vine that grows on houses and trundles. Whatever the thought process was behind the strange moniker the point is this poor kid is going to be saddled with this horrible name for the rest of her life (or at least until she turns 18) because her parents thought they were being cool and trendy.

Blue got me thinking about other trendy, stupid, asinine names celebrities give their children:

Demi Moore and Bruce Willis:
Rumer Glenn (Because everyone loves rumors and Glenn is such a feminine name);
Scout (Also feminine , WTH?)
Tellulah (Seriously-what were they smoking when they came up with that?!?)


Gwenyth Paltrow and Chris Martin:
Apple (Because apparently, she is fruity)


Any of the Pheonix kids:
River Jude
Rainbow Joan of Arc (Seriously who has "of" in their name?)
Leaf Joaquin
Liberty Mariposa
Summer Joy

The Zappas:
Moon Unit (What exactly is a "Moon Unit?")
Dweezil
Diva Muffin (No doubt bedazzled and filled with fiber)


(I swear, I'm not making these up)

Sylvester Stallone:
Sage Moon Blood

Gwen Stefani:
Zuma Nesta Rock

Shannyn Sossoman (Actress: A Knight's Tale; 40 Days and 40 Nights):
Audio Science

Courtney Cox and David Arquette:
Coco (As in hot chocolate or the monkey)


Erykah Badu:
Puma (As in the cat or the shoes)
Seven (George Costanza is going to be SO pissed!)

Shia LaBeouf:
OK he didn't have celebrity parents, but his grandfather that named him was a comedian. Shia's name means "Thank God for beef."

I am assuming most of these names were decided upon during a drugged out haze, but I just can't believe there are that many drugs in the world that could ever make a parent burst out with glee, "Yes! Yes! That's it! I christen thee Moon Beam Shitface!" and even worse have your spouse agree with your revelation. The really sad thing is pretty soon all the wannabes will start popping out kids and there will be little Blues, Audio Sciences and Moonbeam Shitfaces showing up on playgrounds everywhere.

I guess these kids should all be thankful that their parents have so much freakin' money that they will never have to go on a job interview. And as for Blue, I guess it could be worse. Jay-Z could have named his album "The Orange Print."

What is the strangest celebrity baby name or non-celebrity baby name you have ever heard?