OK people, we have to talk. Something is seriously bothering me.
Now I am what you call a Christmas junkie. Growing up, I would listen to new friends talk about how they and their families got into Christmas only to realize that compared to my me and my dad, they looked like Ebenezer Scrooge, Jehovah's Witnesses, and Atheists all rolled into one. First they would pull up to the outside of my house which my dad spent days decorating. Well, that isn't exactly true. At one time he spent days decorating it. Over the years he had adopted the Redneck Christmas light philosophy of "keeping the neighborhood merry all year" and left the majority stapled to the house and just put out the lawn figures before Christmas.
My dad was never much for a theme so the lawn consisted of a manger scene, minus one King that someone had stolen, several reindeer (which I'm certain were present at the birth of Baby Jesus), and of course, the 1974 Santa Clause complete with sleigh, because, well, isn't that how the story goes? Jesus was given Gold by one King, Frankincense and Myrrh by the other two, and Xbox Kinect By the fat guy in the red suit.
Once you got inside the house, you were greeted with moving figurines ranging from Mickey Mouse and Pluto to the Little Drummer Boy (again, my dad's theme was there was no theme). Scary ass Nutcrackers that, for the record, never cracked a nut, lined one of two mantels, waiting to come to life and kill us in our sleep (I hated those things!) Across from that mantel was the fireplace mantel that housed a gold-painted nativity scene, with enough stockings hung below it to keep a sweatshop of Vietnamese children busy for a year. Next to the fireplace was the gianormous fake tree complete with spray on snow which stood majestic, with multi-colored lights and bulbs.
Each one of my friends, would gaze upon the display and the response would always be the same, "Holy shit! Did the North Pole throw up on your house?" I even lived on Griswald (which anyone that is a Christmas freak knows that is the last name of the Christmas crazed family in Christmas Vacation). And yes, my family's house made the paper more than once growing up.
So I think you can tell, I am a Christmas freak. I listen to Christmas Carols. I bake my ass off. (However, I then eat it right back on). I watch Christmas movies, the same ones, 50 times. BUT one thing I do not do, is start celebrating Christmas is freaking August!
Each year, it seems like the Christmas season is starting earlier and earlier. Black Friday is now on Thursday. THURSDAY!!! That is the stupidest thing ever. It is not black Thursday. Learn to read people. It is black Friday! It's in the title! Stores are starting to put up Christmas stuff up in October...some are even doing it in September. Screw Football! Go to hell Halloween! You're getting gobbled up Turkey Day! We are passing over some of the best holidays... not to mention one of the most important MY BIRTHDAY!!!
If we're not careful, it will be so long 4th of July! Sayonara Easter! Arrivederci Valentine's Day! And "Attention Black Friday shoppers, Happy New Year's Eve!" So please people, let's take the holidays back! It's the only time my family just shuts up and gets along...
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