Seriously - WTH?

Calling out the stupid...and boy is there a lot to call out.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Allow Me to Clear That Up (11 things Guys Don't Understand About Women)

Recently there was an article posted on MSN called 11 Things Guys Don't Understand About Women.

http://living.msn.com/love-relationships/love-sex/slideshow?cp-documentid=31062622#11

I know your first thought was probably the same as mine, "Only 11?" I mean let's face it, there are countless times when we have seen a member of the opposite sex acting in a way that has made us just stop, shake our heads and think what in the hell?

Well, these ones seemed fairly simple, so in the interest of furthering communication between the genders, I have decided to throw you guys a bone and clear up these mind benders that were apparently plaguing you long enough that someone felt it necessary to write an article about them.  

1) Hair Tie Overpopulation: Yes, it's a girl thing.  We have tried to keep them nice and neat in a little plastic bin or drawer with our bobby pins and hair clips, but gradually, they find their way out around the house. It starts out simply enough, we take it out of our hair and set it on the coffee table. Then it gets knocked on the floor when we pick up our tea cup to take it into the kitchen. That's when the cat grabs it and smacks it around then next thing you know, it's hanging from the chandelier. Look, we know you love our hair down, but it gets hot or annoying after awhile and we need to throw it up. As long as there is long hair, there will be hair tie overpopulation. Don't worry, every once in awhile we will get a bug up our ass to completely clean out everything again and the hair ties will find their way home...however briefly.

2)Fear of Spiders, but Not Hot Wax: OK, this surprised me because I thought it was a total no-brainer. I can sum it up for you like this: Does hot wax have eight legs, crawl and bite? No. See, we can control hot wax. And while the placement may be painful, we know it's coming and can brace for it. It's a necessary evil we must accept. Spiders on the other hand, are unexpected, can sneak up on us, have been known to jump, bite, and well, have a serious icky factor.

3)Drama: I have a hard time with this one because I am NOT a fan of drama and do my best to keep myself out of it. I will say this, it isn't limited to women. I know men that thrive on it. I will offer 2 reasons on behalf of the fairer sex. First, women talk more than men. Put 2 of them together, and they will get off on a tangent and suddenly some harmless comment turns into something more. Add a 3rd and you've got the makings for Armageddon. I would delve into this further, but this is a blog not a book. If you want to read more, my book Why Am I Still Single A Tough Love Guide For Single Women just came out and there is a chapter called the Drama Queen that discusses all of this. (Shameless plug I know, but hey it's my blog and I'm poor!) The second reason is because women tend to be natural caretakers. Because of this, they will get involved in other people's business even when it doesn't involve them. Ever notice how some women cry over soap opera story lines? OK those are fake stories about people we don't know and that don't exist. Imagine how invested we get when it's people that we do know and that aren't imaginary!

4) Hormones: Why don't we just own them and admit an argument is stupid and we're only having it because it's that time of the month? Well it's simple... because we aren't. Here is the thing. We try to be easy going and let things slide. Yes, it is true that we are more emotional when it is that time of the month, but that doesn't mean that every argument that we have is irrelevant. If we have been asking you to pick-up the dry-cleaning for 3 weeks so that you would have clothes to wear to the wedding we have to go to, then on the day of said wedding, you say you forgot and try to turn it on us asking us why we didn't just go get it, we're going to get pissed and it has nothing to do with hormones. Our bullshit tolerance is lowered when we have our periods. You see it as being irrational and maybe, sometimes, we are. But sometimes, we are just cutting through the crap and calling a spade a spade.

5)Getting married:Why is it important? Depends on the individual. Some women don't want to be the odd man out among their friends; others feel the pressure from parents or society; some feel as though it is the key to their self-worth (SOMEONE wants me); and others see it as the only truly valid sign of commitment. You say why? They say why not? I will say this trend seems to be changing. Today's 20-somethings seem less concerned with getting married. I think a lot of it has to do with how comfortable you are with yourself, as well as the kind of relationships you were surrounded by growing up. If your parents had a wonderful marriage or you were surrounded by people with great marriages, you may be more inclined to want that commitment. (This type of female is also discussed in my book:)

6)Shoe Fetish: Again, it depends on the girl, but yes, if we love them, we love them and have a million pair. They can change an outfit and a mood. They make us feel pretty and special. They can take an outfit from day to night and are an extension of our personality.They make us feel fun, flirty, playful, relaxed, luxurious, and sexy. It's like you guys with your cars...or better yet, your beer. Each one can make you feel happy, comfortable, confident, and carefree. That's how we feel about shoes. Don't mess with our shoes, we won't mess with your beer.

7)Wild Attitude Fluctuations: Everything Is Good or the First 3 Months Then it Changes - Man, I should just write please read my book because I address all of this, seriously, it is a guide for women and a hand-guide/manual for guys! I hate this and it is SUCH a pet peeve. It's the FIRST THREE MONTHS. AKA. The Jekyll and Hyde phase. Think of it as a job interview. Men, women, whatever are putting their best foot forward. They aren't bitching or complaining. They want to spend all of their time together. It's the honeymoon phase. Again, I have to go with DUH! Hell, you are still even cuddling after sex in this phase.

8)Say What You Mean, Please: Why do they tell you you can do one thing like watch the game then get mad when you do? OK, seriously, now, this article is taking things right out of my book.  Quick answer: Some women expect you to be mind readers. They have an image of the perfect guy and expect you to know what they really want you to say or do. It's stupid. I know. It's all part of the whole fairy tale, knight in shining armor thing (blame Disney). A woman will tell you to watch the game hoping you will then turn to her and say, "My beautiful Love, why on Earth would I want to watch a bunch of sweaty guys clamoring after a stupid little brown ball when I could be snuggling on the couch, stroking your hair, talking about our feelings and watching The Notebook with you?" Come on! Like any man is going to say that without having it written in a script! (And the real kicker is, if you did say that to her, she would accuse you of being a sarcastic asshole!)

9)Why Say You Want A Nice Guy If You Don't? The thing is, we do want a nice guy. And we want to want a nice guy. But you still have to have that attraction. There is a difference between being a nice guy and being a doormat. We don't want someone that is going to treat us like dirt, but we don't want someone that puts himself down all the time ( a lot of nice guys tend to do that) or a guy that won't challenge us. Sometimes a "nice" guy is so happy to be with you that he doesn't challenge you or has no passion. He won't disagree with you or even take the lead sometimes in dating because he is willing to go along with "whatever you want to do." That's not being a nice guy. That is being a push over. You can be  nice and respectful, but still be sexy and engaging and challenging. Plan dates. Introduce us to things you like. Kiss us unexpectedly. Don't be overly timid. There is a difference between being challenging and being an ass. Just like there is a difference between being a nice guy and being a push over.

10)Why So Catty About Other Women? This one is hard for me too. I grew up with a ton of guy friends and guys as you know, pretty much accept everyone as-is. Women, well...not so much. If men don't like each other, they will beat the shit out of each other, then have a beer and call it a day.Women can be evil. So first, we have to assess if you are being genuinely nice or fake nice. Then we have to determine whether you are friend material or not. i.e. are you someone we could hang with and go shopping or are you the type that has to have every guys attention and want to steal everyone's boyfriend just to prove you can?

11) Be Direct, PLEASE!!! Again, anyone that knows me, knows I have no problem with this. However, I think a lot of women have a problem with being direct for two reasons. First, it goes back to the whole knight in shining armor thing. Some women are hoping you can read their mind and just figure it out. It's crap and I admit it. The second one probably holds more water and rings more true. Some women think that by being direct they will come across as being rude, pushy, or unladylike. They don't really know how to ask for what they want and feel embarrassed to do so. Maybe they fear you will view them as being weak or even a burden. Or maybe they just don't know or are afraid of offending you. After all, there is a reason so many women fake orgasms. If you don't ask for what you want, you don't get it.


So I hope I helped to clear things up. Feel free to shoot some more questions my way. Don't forget to check out my book available on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com and please share it with everyone. Remember, I live in a place very close to Honey Boo-Boo and where the big event for New Year's Eve is A Possum Drop Countdown in the town next to me. I desperately need to move and need money to do so.







 OH! And don't forget to "Like" my Shay Stone Facebook page. I am doing a Single Girl's Sweetest Day Survival Kit Give Away. Like the picture and comment underneath on why you should win it (Bad date recently? Horrible ex? Can't stomach the thought of going out on Sweetest day? Dated a guy that turned out to be married? Gay? Not a guy? 1 winner will be chosen. Tell friends to go "Like" your comment. Most likes wins:)



7 comments:

  1. All good points.

    Now tell me... I am happily married... somehow we have figured out how to speak to each other so we understand... and now...

    I have no idea how to communicate with my boy children.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bribery and blackmail. That is how you communicate with teenage boys;)LOL

      Delete
  2. Thank God I don't wonder about most of that stuff...seems to keep the times of tension at arms length. But I am interested in the hair tie debacle. Those friggin things are everywhere...one for each dog, three or four scattered in the cars, on the kitchen counter, and then my wife is running around before her friend shows up for Sunday brunch wanting to know (urgently) where a hair tie is. This is when I lose it and laugh and laugh and laugh!!!

    Sorry, she has what I have termed the "put it down and walk away" syndrome. Hence the 12 half drunk Dr Pepper cans strewn throughout the house at any given time like hidden Easter eggs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Chuck! OK,she'll probably kill me for saying this, but next time she is running around frantically looking for one when a friend is on the way over, tell her to check her wrist. Chances are at some point during the day she has thrown one around it and has been walking around wearing it like a bracelet and has COMPLETELY forgotten about it...NOT that I have ever done that (*cough*cough)

      Delete
  3. Shay, My Sweet, can I just say how much I missed you???? I read that article the morning it came out and had quite the delicious guffaw about the whole thing. I like to imagine the answer to every last bullet point (you know, all magically creative 11 of them) is as simple as "Hey, I just enjoy messing with your mind."! Why do we do the things we do? Well? Why the hell not? *smile* Off to get your book! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yay! Hello my Ninja Kitty :) Yes, I was so bummed. I changed my URL a few weeks ago and lost a bunch of followers. I was SO bummed.

      Yes on a lot of these I felt like I should write, DUH!, but I thought that wouldn't make for very interesting reading. I think we need to do a guy's list like how is it that you can remember the average and stats of every player on every team from every sport ever played including golf, but you can't recall our birthday, anniversary, or how old we are?

      Delete
    2. Oooo, and let me know what you think of my book :)

      Delete