Seriously - WTH?

Calling out the stupid...and boy is there a lot to call out.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Adventures in Bathing (or How NOT to Clean Your Bathroom Floor)

It started out simple enough. I just wanted to take a nice relaxing bath.

Now when I take a bath I don't just turn on the water, hop in, get clean and hop out. No, no. When I take a bath, it is an event. I'm talking scented candles, relaxing music (usually some old school R&B), bubbles or bath salts, and of course hot tea or a nice glass of wine to drink depending on my mood. It is an incredibly relaxing way to let the stress of the day melt away.

That is, of of course unless your cat decides to take a bath with you.

Allow me to set the scene: Everything is all set up. My water is at the perfect temperature, Sade is playing, my candles are aglow. The kids, and by kids I mean my 3 dogs and now 2 cats (everyone say hello to Sawyer, a kitty I recently found) are sound asleep. I get cozy, slink down into the tub and let out a big, long sigh, "Ahhhhhhhh."

After a minute or so I get that weird feeling that I'm being watched. I open up my eyes to see my 1 1/2 year old husky very upset, "What's wrong Monkey Face?"

Anakin (aka "Monkey Face")
 * Side note: His name is actually Anakin but, because he makes monkey sounds when he wants my attention, I call him Monkey Face.

"OOOOOOO  OOOOOO oooooo Ooo HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR".

For those of you that aren't fluent in dog that translates to: "Mom, you're in there, I'm out here. I don't know what all of that stuff is around you but I kinda think I should drink it and that thing you brought home that looks a lot like my squeaky toy, but I get yelled at every time I try to make it squeak is way over there where I can't get to it. Plus it's been like two hours since I've had a cookie and it's all very upsetting."

I turn my head to see Sawyer has managed to jump up on the other side of the tub. The two are now staring at each other. I tell Anakin to go lay down. He ignores me.

"Anakin! Go lay down!" He does his hyper little puppy butt shuffle looks at me lets out a frustrated, "HARrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRuuuu." Then jumps up on the side of the tub and licks the water. This is enough to make Sawyer jump down and run away.

"ANAKIN, ya big perv! Go get your bone!"

Sawyer
I start to relax again. Soon I sense that I am not alone. I open one eye to see Sawyer back on the side of the tub staring at me, his big blue eyes curious. I close my eyes.

"Don't do it," I say, eyes still closed.

He sticks his paw in the water and tests it to see if it will support him.

"Meorowwww..." (Translation: Mom, you think I could walk on this?)

"No Sawyer."

"Meorowwwwwwww..." (But Mom, I'm super fast. I could totally walk on this)

"I understand meorowwww (you're super fast). But I'm telling you, don't do it."

He sticks his paw in the water again slipping a little bit further down this time. Stops. Shakes off his paw. Then does it again feeling more brazen. He looks up at me, "Meorowwwwwwwwwwwwww." (Oh Mom, I could SO do this!)

"Hfpfffffpffffff." (Translation: I think he could) Anakin has returned and is joining in on the conversation. He has placed his head on the tub and is staring at Sawyer who has gotten up and moved to another section of the tub where he and Anakin continue to stare at each other. I close my eyes and relax for the next 5 minutes.

I have made it through  Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone and am well into Alicia Keys' I Keep Falling when a wave of water is thrust upon me.

MRRRRARRRRRRRARRROW!!! 

Sawyer had fallen into the tub, freaked out and used my knees and head as a spring board. Anakin, who witnessed the whole thing thought, I should probably help and in an attempt to save the kitty, jumped halfway into the tub, decided, that sucked, and took off after the kitty but not before knocking the various bottles, candles, towel and tea into the bathtub leaving a trail of water and destruction behind him.

"WTH?!? SON OF A ...SAWYER!!! ANAKIN!!! OMG, SHUT THE HELL UP ALICIA!"

Next time I need to unwind I think I'll walk through Compton, downtown Detroit, or Newark alone at night wearing nothing but a chain of $100 bills around my neck and a sign that says rob me. Maybe I'll juggle a few live grenades too while I'm at it. I'm sure that would be much more relaxing.

Seriously, WTH?!?

****Don't forget to Like me on FB: Shay Stone****





Thursday, September 20, 2012

My URL Is being changed to shaystone-seriously-wth.blogspot.com

My URL IS BEING CHANGED TO shaystone-seriously-wth.blogspot.com

if I don't show up or you lose me, please come back or add me to your RSS feed.

 Been having some issues with the change.

Thanks!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

IMPORTANT - WANT MAKE SURE I DON'T LOSE YOU GUYS

Hey guys, I know I have blogged much lately. I have been crazy busy. I plan to start up again soon which is why I am sending this out. I am going to try to change my blog address again. I tried in May and got paranoid because I thought I lost all of you so I switched it back. My blog site is mentioned on the jacket and is also going to be on the website that I am going to be putting up.

 Unfortunately, because I was such a newbie when I began my blogging I used my real first name in my URL (allow me to pause for a second to give myself a little high 5 to the head!) So I am going to try to switch it again. Can you guys check back and see if you can get to me in a few days? I tried to find a way to contact Blogger but that was harder than finding Waldo.

If it doesn't work, you should know that I plan on going to each of your sites and hounding you until you follow me again because as I have told you before, my self esteem is directly linked to what you think of me.

Wish me luck...I'm going in!

(APPROXIMATELY 10 MINUTES LATER)
...OR THEY'RE GOING TO BE DOING MAINTENANCE AND WON'T BE ALLOWING ANY CHANGES RIGHT NOW. OK, I'LL TRY AGAIN TOMORROW!