Everyone talks about how great yoga is for your body. You always see these really healthy, chilled out, fit people in their all white flowing clothes or leotards (even men) on television talking about how great yoga is and how it has transformed their lives.
Yeah, it's bullshit.
|"The Dude" from The Big Lebowski|
Yeah...the teacher was just screwing with us at that point. She introduced us to more poses with serene names like, "Triangle" and "Lotus," that we "transitioned" into fluidly...well, she transitioned into them fluidly. The rest of us looked like the Titanic right after it hit the iceberg. Then just when we thought we were kind of getting it...
"Tree to Downward Facing Dog into Cobra!"
"Cobra to Scorpion into Turtle into Downward Facing Dog humping Scorpion!"
"Cobra eats Scorpion. Downward Facing Dog Kills Cobra Sleeps under Tree."
Wait, what?!? Room spinning...Dizzy...Woman Hits Floor.
Or at least that is the pose I assume they thought I was doing because it took them a minute to notice anything was wrong and get to me. I know this because I had passed out somewhere between Downward Facing Dog and Turtle and basically ended up looking like Clusterf%#k. You don't truly know what a clusterf%#k is until you wake up on the floor with your head on the ground looking at your own ass.
|"Sleeping turtle" or as I call it|
"You gotta be outta your damn mind!"
I was dizzy. I was bruised. I was sore. But I sure as hell wasn't ZEN! That was when I decided to invent my own pose. I call it Woman with Wine Glass. Namaste.
|Now she looks Zen!|