Seriously - WTH?

Calling out the stupid...and boy is there a lot to call out.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

O is for Oh No You Didn't

We have to talk. See, I have done my best to shield you from this, but now I feel I have no choice. It has gotten too bad...too out of control and well, I need you to protect yourselves.

You mean I'm not going to have to
jump out of a plane at any moment? 
You see, it seems there has been an outbreak of epic proportions. Lately, stupidity seems to be spreading like wild fire. At first, it seemed to be somewhat quarantined to the redneck, political and teenager communities. And while we would occasionally see everyday people, maybe even someone we knew, show symptoms of stupidity, for example anyone that ever sported a mullet or wore parachute pants, eventually, they would come to their senses. But since Walmart opened and reality TV became popular, stupidity has become almost unstoppable. To illustrate my findings, I have put together a few examples for you.

Example #1: This morning I was listening to the news and (I will be doing some paraphrasing here), this was the broadcast in a nutshell:

"At approximately 4:15am a man's car broke down on I-75. As he tried to cross the highway to get help, he was struck by a vehicle and killed. And boy that isn't going to make the commuters that are going to have to deal with those traffic delays this morning very happy."

No shit! I kid you not. All I could think was yeah, I'm thinking the guy that got killed and his family aren't going to be too thrilled about it either. Morons!

Example #2: A bride-to-be wanted to lose weight, so instead of doing something normal like, oh I don't know, diet and exercise, she decided to have her doctor put in a feeding tube. A feeding tube! And the idiot doctor did it. Apparently, it is all the rage in France and Italy, but it still relatively new here in the U.S. She is doing all of this so she can fit into her wedding dress. True, she will be too malnourished to stand or remember anything from her wedding day, but hey, at least she'll be skinny.

Does this tube make me look fat?
(Sorry guys...I'm engaged)
Now before you guys go getting all judgmental and thinking about how vain and self-centered this act was, you should know this: Many people that saw her thought she had some terminal illness. That is why she stopped picking her daughters up from school. You know, so they wouldn't have to explain that Mommy wasn't dying; she was just an idiot.

And they say kids don't have good role models these days.

Example #3: One of my former employees was arrested recently. Turns out she was cooking and selling meth out of her house.I know what you are thinking. Someone ratted her out and she got busted. Of course you would thing that; you have a brain. Apparently she fried her's on meth which is why she called the police and asked them to come arrest her neighbor because he failed to pay her the $20 for the meth she just gave him.

Now if you see someone doing something stupid, please take your hand, walk up to them and high 5 their face. This may 1) Help them snap out of it; or 2) Give you enough time to runaway so that you don't catch it, because much like kooties, stupidity is contagious.

Doctor prescribed Facial high 5
After you have come into contact with a stupid person, be sure to watch for any warning signs that you may have contracted the stupid virus. Here are some things to watch for:

1) Going to a friend's house, seeing they have a new couch or bedroom set yet still not being able to stop yourself from saying, "Oh, did you get new furniture?";

2) Talking to someone on the phone and saying something like, "Yeah, I'm about to leave, but I can't find my phone." 

*Note: There are variations of this that may include not being able to find your glasses that are on your face or your car keys that are in your hand.

3) Being a Yankee fan (Go Red Sox!);

4) You begin understanding and identifying with the cast of the Jersey Shore;

4) Finally, and this one goes out to my niece, when being given directions and told to go left at the fork in the road. asking, "But what if someone moves it?"


These are all telltale signs of stupidity. If you notice any of these symptoms, report to the nearest library or turn on the Discovery channel or PBS immediately. Refrain from watching any reality TV or having conversations with anyone named Bubba. And if that doesn't work, call me. I will be happy to high 5 your face.


**Remember if this made you laugh, share it by clicking the FB or Twitter share tab above. Everyone can use a good laugh**



36 comments:

  1. This is good stuff.
    I know some people that could use a high 5 to the face.

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    1. Thanks Ruth!

      Yes, I would need about 100 more hands if I was going to face high % everyone that I knew needed it:)

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  2. "she called the police and asked them to come arrest her neighbor because he failed to pay her the $20 for the meth she just gave him."

    Utterly brilliant. You couldn't make it up.

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    1. No I couldn't. LOL I didn't exactly hire brain surgeons...although apparently at least some of my ex-employees had some pharmaceutical experience they failed to mention;)

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  3. OH MY SHIT! You are hilariously funny. Now following!

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    1. Thank you and welcome to my blog, Lily!

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  4. I was at the beach with wife and daughters last year and the oldest (15 at the time) was sitting in a chair with her back to the sun. Her neck and shoulders were getting very red so my wife said "honey, why don't you move your chair over here and turn to face a different direction).

    As she reluctantly and teenagedly moved her chair, you could hear her grumbled......"like being 3 feet further from the sun is going to help"...

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    1. Ahhh, teenage angst- because they have it so rough and so bad and of course know it all. And what do moms know? Turn your chair around! Like that makes sense;)

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  5. In total agreement - - people are idiots!

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  6. OMFG - I can't agree with you more! The level of sheer dimness that has been reached is amazing. Between my sister in law trying to convince me that medium size fast food meals would help her loose weight and that World War II wasn't in the 70's - I've decided that the Darwin Awards can have them.

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    1. OMG! Wait a minute! Medium size fast food won't help me lose weight?!? LOL People's ignorance is amazing isn't it? LOL

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  7. I had a similarly stupid coworker who got fired. I used to work at a Hollister (Yeah, I was stupid once) and worked for a fairly relaxed manager. Well, one day he got fired for some unbenounced reason. He didn't take it too well. So, instead of trying to work his way up the corporate ladder at his new job, he went to the Hollister donning a ski mask and wielding a gun and robbed the place. However, he was the only asian to ever work there, he had a very distinct voice, and he was wearing the Hollister clothes he used to wear to work (plus, the Hollister was in a mall).

    Ah, stupid people just baffle me. Hilarious post! Especially the meth lab story.

    P.S. I'm a Red Sox fan myself!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. First of all, you rock. I just hope the Red Sox get their sh*# together soon.

      Second, OMG! It reminds me of the guy that robbed the radio shack while still wearing his "Welcome to Radio Shack. I'm Bob (last name)." Genius. Wonder if these two are related?

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  8. *GIGGLE* Love it. Stupidity can be funny. Too bad for the people with the stupidity though. Plus they really annoy me. *giggle*

    I'm stopping by from the A to Z Challenge!
    Giggle, Laugh, Cry

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    1. Welcome, Kerrie! I feel it is my personal job to point it out.LOL

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  9. Hahaha. I heard on the radio about a wanted man going to a tour where the people got to get a ride in the police car. One of the police ran a check on him and realized he had a warrantand the man got a escorted ride to the local jail. lol

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    1. That is too funny. I saw one once where the cops sent sweepstakes (winning) tickets to all of these people with warrants. They came in to claim there prize, walked into the other room and got arrested.LOL

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  10. You are one blogger who will never run out of subject matter. ;)

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    1. Boy, you aren't kidding, Sara! LOL

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  11. Holy hell, the Stupidity Virus is more like a plague in the tiny town I live in. If I just blogged about the idiocy that goes on around here I would never run out of blogging fodder xD!

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    1. Here too! If you are bored one day, go back and read my blog RIP Common Sense (check out the tattoo) it is a December post and/or Let's All Go to the Tallapoosa Possum drop (also a December post).

      That's the only good thing about living where there is a lot of stupidity: you always have material to write about! hahaha

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  12. Ah, yes, Wizards' Fisrt Rule: People are stupid.

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    1. Can you wave the magic wand and make them smart? Or at least banish them to an island where stupidity reigns supreme?

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    2. Oh, no, I don't think so. It's more like one of those rules you remember so that you can take advantage of it. You don't have to make something explode as long people -believe- you can make it explode.

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  13. I need a hazmat suit, as I am afraid it's contagious...the stupids!

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    1. Don't worry. I read your blog... you haven't caught any stupids:)But still be on the lookout for others. Sometimes people that look smart are in fact the biggest idiots. All book sense; no common sense.LOL

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  14. May I please take you to work with me. Maybe you can help me weed out the stupid idiots I work with. Please oh Please, come to work with me.

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    1. Oh, absolutely! Just tell me when. I have NO problem calling people out...as I'm sure you can tell. Usually I do it in a nice way. When someone says something stupid, I'll look at them whether it is a girl or guy and say, "You're so pretty" which is my way of saying good thing because you don't have a brain in your head;)

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  15. Oh no, I've caught it. I went to a friend's home, noticed a few new items, and asked her if they were new. And yes, she is fairly stupid.

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    1. Oh NO!!!! Get your butt to a poetry reading or watch the discovery Channel all night. Then introduce your friend back into your life very slowly. haha

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  16. I saw that nose diet woman online and couldn't quite fathom how she was willing to do that and to change her daughter's schedule so that she wouldn't have to be seen in public while she tried to lose 10 pounds that she didn't seem to need to lose.

    Love your fork in the road story!! Too funny!

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    1. I agree 100%. See, if I wanted to look thinner on my wedding day, I would just send my bridesmaids baskets of chocolates and pastries the last few weeks before the wedding.

      Yeah, the fork in the road was typical of my niece. Smart, beautiful, and not a lick of common sense in her head:) haha

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  17. This is starting to get scary! I am a Red Sox fan. No lie. I think we were separated at birth.

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    1. You wouldn't happen to be the filthy rich family member I keep hoping will come into my life and give me my inheritance, would you? (God, I hope so!)

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    2. Nope dammit. I was hoping it was you.

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