|You mean I'm not going to have to|
jump out of a plane at any moment?
Example #1: This morning I was listening to the news and (I will be doing some paraphrasing here), this was the broadcast in a nutshell:
"At approximately 4:15am a man's car broke down on I-75. As he tried to cross the highway to get help, he was struck by a vehicle and killed. And boy that isn't going to make the commuters that are going to have to deal with those traffic delays this morning very happy."
No shit! I kid you not. All I could think was yeah, I'm thinking the guy that got killed and his family aren't going to be too thrilled about it either. Morons!
Example #2: A bride-to-be wanted to lose weight, so instead of doing something normal like, oh I don't know, diet and exercise, she decided to have her doctor put in a feeding tube. A feeding tube! And the idiot doctor did it. Apparently, it is all the rage in France and Italy, but it still relatively new here in the U.S. She is doing all of this so she can fit into her wedding dress. True, she will be too malnourished to stand or remember anything from her wedding day, but hey, at least she'll be skinny.
|Does this tube make me look fat?|
(Sorry guys...I'm engaged)
And they say kids don't have good role models these days.
Example #3: One of my former employees was arrested recently. Turns out she was cooking and selling meth out of her house.I know what you are thinking. Someone ratted her out and she got busted. Of course you would thing that; you have a brain. Apparently she fried her's on meth which is why she called the police and asked them to come arrest her neighbor because he failed to pay her the $20 for the meth she just gave him.
Now if you see someone doing something stupid, please take your hand, walk up to them and high 5 their face. This may 1) Help them snap out of it; or 2) Give you enough time to runaway so that you don't catch it, because much like kooties, stupidity is contagious.
|Doctor prescribed Facial high 5|
1) Going to a friend's house, seeing they have a new couch or bedroom set yet still not being able to stop yourself from saying, "Oh, did you get new furniture?";
2) Talking to someone on the phone and saying something like, "Yeah, I'm about to leave, but I can't find my phone."
*Note: There are variations of this that may include not being able to find your glasses that are on your face or your car keys that are in your hand.
3) Being a Yankee fan (Go Red Sox!);
4) You begin understanding and identifying with the cast of the Jersey Shore;
4) Finally, and this one goes out to my niece, when being given directions and told to go left at the fork in the road. asking, "But what if someone moves it?"
These are all telltale signs of stupidity. If you notice any of these symptoms, report to the nearest library or turn on the Discovery channel or PBS immediately. Refrain from watching any reality TV or having conversations with anyone named Bubba. And if that doesn't work, call me. I will be happy to high 5 your face.
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