Seriously - WTH?

Calling out the stupid...and boy is there a lot to call out.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

K is for Kiss This!

For all of you guys out there that don't know how to pick up women and aren't really into the bar scene, hold onto your sweatpants because now you can meet and make out hot chick without ever leaving your room.

Allow me to explain. See Keidai Ogawa is a nerd. Don't worry. I'm not being mean. He knows he is. He is also well, a little strange. Let me rephrase that, he's a whack job!

Still this nerdy, whack job status did not stop him from getting a...well...let's call her a girlfriend. It seems that our buddy Keidai grew up staring at an anime poster. But after a while staring wasn't enough. He wanted more and he knew by the way it was always looking at him that it wanted more too. So he did the only thing he could. He got freaky with it. Yup, he was getting all hot and heavy with his wall. 



Plant one on me hot stuff!
This guy, whom I am guessing has his parents beaming with pride and will soon be revered as a Geek God has created a poster that will make out with you. Yes, make-out. It is called a pochuter. Chu is Japanese slang for kiss, combine that with poster and you get pochuter (which loosely translates to guy that can't get a date). "She" senses how close your head is to her and leans forward towards the kiss and even blushes after you make out. He is hoping to make her smell like shampoo (I'm guessing Windex-she is a poster after all), whisper sweet nothings (How YOU doin'. my 3 dimensional lover) and is going to add flavor to her lips, which apparently right now, taste like paper. My vote is for a nice subtle wallpaper glue flavor. 

Oh, where to begin. First, she sounds like a bit of a slut to me just hanging out in guys rooms waiting to get it on, but whatever. I mean imagine having a friend over. You go to get something to drink only to come back and finding you buddy making out with your wall. How can you forgive something like that?

"Dude, That's my girl!"

'I'm sorry man. I don't know what to say. She kept looking at me and the closer I got the more she leaned in and I don't know how to tell you this but...dude she kissed me back. Ask her."

"Is this true? How long has this been going on?  I guess that's how I got this cold sore on my lip!"

They break-up he takes her down, rolls her up and puts her in a box under his bed. They make up and she is back on his wall. He gets a new poster and she feels used. The two girls stare each other down whenever he isn't around. It is a vicious love triangle. Your basic boy meets poster. Boy gets horny. Boy makes out with poster. Poster screws around and breaks boy's heart. I've seen it a thousand times.


Second, think of how it will affect society. If all these smart guys are staying at home making out with their walls who will bring about cold fusion? Cure cancer? Invent the 3rd version of the Snuggie? Not to mention who will the brainy girls hook up with to make genius babies? You can't have a meat head and a smart girl make a baby. Meat trumps brains. And it's not like geek boy and anime poster will have a child. I mean, what would it even look like? Confetti?
It's a boy and a girl and another girl and a boy...
He looks just like you Uncle Construction paper.

"Oh look, he has his daddy's eyes and his mommy's one dimensional figure. Goochy-goochy-goo. Awww, crap I dropped him. I'll never get him out of the carpet!"

Is it just me or is this totally creepy? I mean, you know it isn't going to stop there. One day his parents are going to walk in on him humping the wall and his mom will be all like, "I am NOT cleaning that up!"

And that's just one of the awkward scenarios the guy's poor parents will encounter. Imagine having to introduce her to friends:

Mom: "Marge, Tom, I'd like you to meet our son's girlfriend, Vistaprint."

Marge: "Ummmm...nice to meet...you know she's a poster right? She doesn't say much, does she? Wait, is she trying to kiss me?"
Mom:"Yeah, she is a bit of a slut."

Tom: "She's hot. But does it bother you that..."
Dad: "That my son's dating a poster? No. I'm just glad he finally got laid."
Tom: "How do you know that?
Dad, taking a swig of Jack Daniels: "Let's just say I know."

Son: "Yeah Dad, I totally nailed her."


*Remember if you like this post, please share it. Just click the FB or Twitter link at the top of the page. Spread the laughter*


33 comments:

  1. I loved this post, but there are no sharing buttons that I can see.
    You know, teenage girls already do this with their Justin Bieber posters.
    I thought the man in the poster was Keidai Ogawa, but he is not. Whoever he is, he is beautiful. I want a poster of that man.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I thought they were both pretty-the guy and the girl.

      I know girls do it too, but I think guys the guys would get a little more, uh, physical. (EWWWW)

      Regarding the sharing thing, I have a FB and Twitter Share at the top of the page (well, it was in the middle-ish top but I just moved it too the top to make it easier. I have a question. I know there are like a million ways that you can share it Digg, Stumbler, etc. Do people use those a lot? I just have FB and Twitter because I figured that is what most people use. Any thoughts?

      Delete
  2. I don't think a relationship like this could ever work. Imagine the paper cuts...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is exactly what I thought! OUCH!

      Delete
    2. Wouldn't getting sweaty and salty hurt the paper cuts? And another quick thought, would you laminate the poster? Or aren't you gonna ruin it with the mess? OMG - I have WAY too many questions.

      Delete
  3. Man, I hope parents of these teenagers don't learn the black light trick. Eww.

    Hey, I did just fine in the late 70's with my Farah Fawcett (light blue t-shirt) poster. She kissed me back......she even watched me get naked...hee hee.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, she TOTALLY wanted you! And yes, ewwwww on the black light thing. I mean, as if boys bedrooms aren't already gross enough, this will take it to a whole new level!

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. I know! Aren't they the ones that came out with lipstick for men?

      Delete
  5. So it's going to be some kind of digital signage? I think that basically just makes it interactive soft core porn. Leave it to the Japanese to make even that, hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is creepy, but still not as creepy as the Real Doll. Or maybe it is. I still can't wrap my mind around getting hot and heavy with an inanimate object.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me neither! I knew someone that wanted the real doll thing. So creepy...wanted his girl to make out with it and watch. WTF?

      Delete
  7. Dammit I vacuumed up Junior again!!! lol. Yeah I saw a video of female robots too. Call me a little old fashioned but I'll stick to the real deal instead of the wall doll.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL Me too. It is just so weird. I guess everyone has their fetishes. Have you ever seen that commercial of strange fetishes where the guy makes out with his car? WTH is the matter with people?

      Delete
  8. What would happen when you press two posters against each other? Oh, I'm getting giddy just thinking about it.

    Anyway, I saw this article yesterday, but was too creeped out to read it. It makes me fear the future.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See and I had to read it BECAUSE it was so creepy. It's like an accident, you know you shouldn't look but you can't help it.

      And regarding your first statement. Bow chicka bow wow. LOL

      Delete
  9. I dropped in from the A to Z and saw your banner and knew I had to follow! Then, when I first started reading your post, I had visions of "American Pie" running through my head. Whew! Thank god I was wrong. Or was I?!! Oh God!

    You are too funny, Shay! I am so glad I found you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yay! Welcome Nancy:) I plan to keep you laughing!

      Delete
  10. You know, they do have that whole pillow thing going on, too, over there in Japan...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OK, I'm totally afraid yo ask, but WHAT pillow thing?

      Delete
    2. You haven't heard of that movement in Japan with the all the young guys that have pillows as girlfriends? And I'm totally serious. The guys carry the pillows around with them and consider and treat the girls as real girlfriends. It's related to the grass eater movement. Not that they actually eat grass, but that's what it's called.

      Delete
    3. OMG I totally missed that. Ewwww. My aunt lives in Tennessee and they came out with these cabbage patch type dolls (only they were huge). She and my cousins told me that the people there used to treat them like babies...had car seats for them and everything. Crazy!

      Delete
  11. Wow! Just wow! I thought some of my students were creepers when it came to dating.

    Love your banner and the theme of your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thanks! Yeah this was too creepy for me not to write a post. Normally my blogs tend to be funnier, but I had to share this. LOL Welcome to my blog:)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Cool post!! Nice blog too!! Keep up the good work!! You are invited to check out or follow my blog anytime!! Have a great day!!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thanks and I absolutely will:)

    ReplyDelete
  15. What ever happened to the simpler time? When if you failed in your attempted to find love or even a suitable partner you would simply order your wife/lover?

    You never had to worry about her/him/it leaving you because you just throw down the threat of deportation to show them who's boss.

    At least when the time comes I know my poster will be there for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Chef! I think what happened was email got too popular. It is really hard to send mail order brides/lovers via email;)

      Delete