Seriously - WTH?

Calling out the stupid...and boy is there a lot to call out.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

J is for Jealous

You should know, I am a very wanted women (and not just because of the vomit pliers - see last post for those of you that are like "Vomit pliers! I have to get me some of those.").

See, I had been ignoring my junk email. One day I clicked on it because someone had sent me something that I didn't get so they told me to check it. And thank God they did!

I have had SO many people trying to contact me. First of all, and try not to be too jealous, but I may have already won an iPad, which totally kicks ass because I don't even remember entering to win one. I am sure one of the good people at my magazine subscription or credit card companies, knowing I could use an iPad, were thoughtful enough to sell my information. They are always looking out for me.

Come and get me,
I'm waiting for you!
Second, well, I haven't dated in awhile and I really had no desire to, that is until I found out that I have Jewish Singles, Black Singles, Christian Singles, and Lesbian Singles all just waiting to meet me! Me! I had no idea I was so popular. I also got one for Single Gay Men, but I think that was just actual junk mail. (I knew I shouldn't have cut my hair that short!) I also got an invitation to a Lesbian Torture Clinic where they will abuse me and throw urine on me until I am no longer gay. I was tempted, I mean it's been a long time since I had some urine thrown on me, but it is in Ecuador and I would have to get my passport renewed, and well, I'm not gay so I decided it would be too much trouble to go and deleted that email.

Oh! And apparently, my Viagra is ready. Thank God because my vibrator could really use a boost! I mentioned that I hadn't dated in awhile, right? Yeah, I have a vibrator. Get over it.

And, well, I am almost hesitant to tell you this because you are going to be SO freakin' jealous. Alright, I can tell you are just dying to know so I'll tell you, but remember you asked for it. Come here and put your ear really close to the computer. I have to whisper this because I'm not suppose to tell anyone. You see, there is this Arabian prince that is being held against his will by insurgents. He has $40 million dollars, that's right MILLION, that he has to get out of the country. Now he had told me that if I provide MY bank account number and password, he will let me keep $10 million just for helping him out. He may even marry me once he escapes! Can you believe it? I get $10 million bucks just for providing my bank account info. You can't make that kind of money selling penny stocks or with a cleverly orchestrated pyramid scheme! (By the way, and I realize this has nothing to do with this post, but Madeoff? REALLY? They thought it would be a good idea to fork over a couple million dollars to a guy named Madeoff?!?)

My sweet prince?
Lucky for me my Arabian prince is legit. I sure hope he's cute! 

Told you this post would make you jealous I am a highly sought after, free iPad having, Viagra vibrator totin', soon to be millionaire princess. It's good to be me.


*Remember if you like this post, share it! Spread the laughter :) *







24 comments:

  1. Great post, but I'm afraid that Arabian prince is going to marry me instead. I responded first, so finders keepers.

    Also, if you like spam, you'll hopefully enjoy this post:

    http://muppetsforjustice.blogspot.co.uk/2011/09/dietfitness-apps.html

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    1. Damn it! I knew I should have answered sooner. Peruvian Prince it is then. I guess you can have the Arabian one seeing as he probably already sent you the money;)

      I will definitely check out your post this evening. Looking forward to it. I think we both have a pretty warped sense of humor. We rock!LOL

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  2. I'm so totally jealous now. All I was offered was 10 Million Pounds by a Mrs. I-Forget-Her-Name. No, thanks, Ma'am. I'm still waiting for my rich prince!

    -Barb the French Bean

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    1. Hahaha! I promise if I get anymore I'll send them your way:)

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  3. Very funny. I am a little jealous.

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  4. Hilarious post! But damn, I only get special offers for 'V1@GR@' (must be an advanced form of Viagra).

    I want an Arabian Prince! If I give you my bank account number, can you relay it to him? Maybe he'll grant me a few extra bucks.

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    1. Thanks! Ummm...yeah...you can give me your bank account number and I'll pass it along *cough *cough to HIM. I promise I won't use it. LOL

      Maybe V1@GR@ is the girl version of Viagra. I'll send you my emails if you send me your's!

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  5. Damn Girl!! I just found out that I can blast my belly fat, get millionaire dates and meet black people. Who knew that peeking at your junk mail (I almost just typed Junk, ha ha) would make you so popular!

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    1. I told you:) But it isn't all fun and games. I just found out my brother Rjobert was in a bad accident. I know I should be more upset but I never even new I had a brother named Rjobert! It was nice of them to notify me by email though.

      Ooooo look, someone wants to buy my eggs! Hope they're not spoiled!

      (Can you send me the belly fat link> Never know when that might come in handy:)

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  6. Okay, everyone thinks this Arabian prince e-mail is a scam, but why have we all grown so cynical? Maybe it's real, and someone out there could be ten million dollars richer. That poor man just keeps reaching out to people, hoping someone will help him. That should totally be you. Tell me how it goes.

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    1. I had never thought of it that way so I responded. I am now part of a harem where an Arabian prince is holding me hostage. Please send me your bank account information and I will wire you the money so That I can escape;)

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  7. I have Arabian Princes and Millionaires from Kenya wanting me to rescue them on a regular basis. I feel like a superhero!! xD

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  8. This is so funny but sadly it is true. Great post.
    dreamweaver

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  9. These email tactics are very strange. It makes you wonder how many people fall for these. And who the heck is behind these things anyway?


    Lee
    A Faraway View
    An A to Z Co-host blog

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    1. Hey Lee:) I know but people do. All I can say is the word gullible is not in the dictionary;)

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  10. Um... when I put my ear up to my monitor, all I can do is hear this slight buzzing sound. To make it worse, I can't read the rest of your post. I just see the wall. I'm very sad, now.
    I was hoping you'd reveal why you don't want to date.

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    1. Aaaahhhh, you will have to stayed tune. One of my posts will touch on that! See, I'm sucking you in...MWAHAHAHAHA!

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    2. Oh, man... there are so many responses I could give to that.
      But I'm choosing not to.

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  11. Oh, man! You are hysterical-funny, and I really needed a laugh this afternoon. Thank you for that!

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    1. Thanks, Sadie and you are welcome. I'm glad you liked the post. Welcome to my blog! I hope to keep you laughing.

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  12. Girl, I have a confession. I have always been jealous of you!!! LOL. Keep up the great work on your blog.

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    1. LOL, Thanks De! You too girl! I'm proud of you for doing this.

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  13. "I haven't dated in awhile and I really had no desire to, that is until I found out that I have Jewish Singles, Black Singles, Christian Singles, and Lesbian Singles all just waiting to meet me! Me!"

    Loved this! LUCKY YOU!!!! :)

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